“Can I Say Hi to Your Dog?” - Navigating Interactions with Strangers
If your dog struggles with people interactions on walks, it’s a good idea to practice several patterns before these situations arise - not just for your dog but also for yourself. If YOU have a clear structure in your mind around how you’d like these interactions to go, you will be able to be a better advocate for your dog - and yourself, too.
This blog gives you the general outline of how to navigate these murky waters without putting yourself or your dog in trouble.
Yggie enjoys greeting most people, but not everyone. Sammi and Suzi are favorites though.
Does My Dog Need to Say Hi to Strangers?
The short answer is - no. Absolutely not. And this is pretty much the reason why three of the strategies outlined below contain ways to - politely or not so politely - decline a stranger’s request to greet your pup. There are many excellent reasons why your dog shouldn’t be required to greet everyone.
Safety is always first on my mind. What happens during greetings is that the dog ends of very close to a person they might not be ready to meet, and then if the person does one of those things primates are so likely to do, such as reach for the dog, pet the dog, or bend over the dog, a growl, bark, snap or even bite becomes more likely. If your dog hasn’t learned to be at least neutral with people or built the skills to handle such a situation, do not let them greet a stranger.
People are also rather unpredictable. Some people make sudden movements, resort to intrusive and rude touching, or carry a lot of energy and excitement. Any and all of this can be stressful to a dog, so it’s important to consider your dog’s mental health and behavioral wellbeing when making the decision to allow a greeting.
And that’s exactly why it’s such a good idea to consider whether to say yay or nay when someone wants to come pet your dog. In all of these cases, unless you’re suspending or limiting walks, you will need some skills, though.
The Basic Training
In order for the following strategies to work, your dog needs to have several skills under their belt. In short, they need to be
Calm and relaxed when people approach
Able to stand, sit or lie next to you as you talk to the person
Able to perform a “go say hi cue” (optional)
As always, you want to train these skills outside of the context of a stranger because the stranger may be much too exciting or perhaps scary.
Let’s dive into how to train this.
Calm & Relaxed When People Approach
In a controlled exposure session with a familiar person, practice:
A person walks towards you and stops before your dog becomes overly excited
You mark your dog for calm behavior and looking but not jumping or running.
Once the person can approach and stand about 3-4 feet away from you without your dog jumping, practice this with a person your dog sees less frequently and then a novel person. You can also increase excitement by having the person walk with more energy or talk while approaching.
Note that this alone can be very challenging for a socially shy or awkward dog. If you struggle with this step, get a qualified trainer involved.
Able to Be Next to You While Talking to a Person
Next, you want to build your dog’s ability to hang out next to you while you are having a conversation with a person.
With the person standing at a conversational distance away from you, observe your dog and begin rewarding any and all good choices your dog makes, for example showing relaxed body language, giving attention to you, or sitting or lying down
Once this goes well, ask your helper to be a bit more exciting. Have them ask questions about your dog, exclaim how cute your dog is, move your arms, etc.
Go Say Hi 1-2-3
Now it’s time to build up your dog’s ability to do a controlled and structured greeting. Again, begin practicing with a familiar helper, especially if your dog is shy or has negative feelings around new people.
Have your helper seated with a treat in their hand and your dog on a leash.
Ask your dog to calmly sit, stand, or lie down next to you.
Cue your dog verbally and by walking towards the person to “go say hi” when they are calm and relaxed.
Let your dog eat the treat from your helper’s hand.
Lure your dog out of the interaction with a treat.
Progress to your helper standing next, then phase out the treat in the helper’s hand and add gentle pets.
The Four Patterns
Once you and your dog have mastered these skills, it’s time to learn the four patterns for navigating stranger interactions. I recommend practicing all of these patterns as dry runs before trying them out in real life settings. The more practice you and your dog have, the easier it will be to navigate real life scenarios with your pup.
Definitely Not
Some people come straight for your dog, sometimes even with the intention to pet. Cutting these attempts off can feel awkward and rude - when in fact it is the other person who is being rude. In these cases, especially if your dog might bark or snap, be your dog’s advocate and step in between the person and the dog using gentle body pressure to move your dog out of harm’s way. Here’s how:
When the person approaches, step in front of your dog and turn yourself sideways to the person. If you want, you can say “No thanks.”
Tell your dog “let’s go” (or another consistent verbal cue), and then step into them and either move with you gentle body pressure or lure them into a u-turn away from the trigger
You can then proceed to any of your other redirection techniques, such as a treat scatter or find its if needed, or just move away.
Thanks, But No Thanks
If the other person asks permission, but you think your dog may struggle with the interaction, you can rehearse a phrase to say, such as “No, thanks, my dog isn’t friendly with strangers”, or “No, but thanks for asking. Have a great day.” Then, walk away with your dog. It sounds a bit strange, but I highly recommend practicing this with a friend or family member to strengthen your “no” muscle.
No, But Do You Want to See a Trick?
If you really don’t want to disappoint the other person - perhaps they’re a sweet senior or a cute kid, consider training an adorable trick that you train to the point where it will work well outside the home. Then, when someone asks to pet your dog, you can say “No, but would you like to see a trick?” Most often than not, people are very happy to give you space to see the dog perform a fun trick. Credit goes to Suzanne Clothier of Relationship Centered Training for this wonderful strategy!
Do You Want to Say Hi?
If your dog is calm and you feel confident that this will go well, you can utilize the “Go Say Hi” cue you trained before to allow your dog to greet the person. If your dog is still learning the cue, be ready with your treat to lure your dog away and respect if your dog doesn’t want to say hi. You will also want to instruct the person how to navigate the interaction.
You Got This!
Navigating greetings can be tricky, and not just in terms of training. It’s always hard to navigate social situations while managing your dog at the same time. Consider that you do not owe it to anyone to allow them to touch or approach your dog, even if it is somewhat socially awkward. No is a full sentence. But if you want to say something besides no, I hope this post has given you some ideas how to make this less stressful for both you and your dog.
