“Don’t Touch!” - Why Consent Checks Matter
Most dogs have opinions about how they want to be touched, and dogs that are on the socially less secure or more shy side may have pretty strong feelings about it as well.
Similarly, we humans have feelings and needs as well - we may want to pet our dogs more than they wish to be pet or pet them in ways that they may not enjoy because to us it feels loving and sweet. It can be really sad for us to find out that our dog doesn’t love the attention we bestow upon them, and this is a grieving process you may need to go through.
On the flipside, paying attention to your dog’s needs around touch can vastly improve your relationship and actually make your dog more snuggly in the long run. Giving your dog the space to express their own desires and needs can be really powerful for both of you.
That’s why it’s important to find out how, when, and where your dog enjoys being touched.
My young GSD Yggie has been well socialized to touch and snuggles and actively seeks out human contact. Here she is napping and enjoying a cuddle with my partner Jesse.
Give Your Dog Space
Humans are part of the primate family and, as such, pretty handsy. Dogs, not having hands themselves, for the most part aren’t. While dogs may play together, dogs often don’t snuggle other dogs and may prefer to do things near each other instead. Thus, giving your dog the space to approach you by not touching them for a while unless they approach you can be very powerful. It may help your dog seek out your attention and touch.
When and Where Does Your Dog Like to Be Touched?
Find out when and where your dog actually does seek physical contact with you by observing their behavior closely. Don’t reach out for them but instead let them come to you. Some dogs enjoy being snuggly at specific times of the day and in specific locations, for example at night while watching TV on the sofa, right after you come home from work by the door, in the mornings out in the yard, etc. This may be a great time or location then to offer the option of cuddle time to your pup.
Be Polite When Touching
Start really paying attention to your dog’s body language when you touch them. If your dog pulls away from you, leave them be and take note of what happened prior to their pulling away. Sometimes it’s an environmental distraction that got their attention, but sometimes it’s the way you just touched your dog. If you notice that your dog doesn’t like a particular kind of touch, try to avoid it going forward. Some classic human behaviors that most dogs don’t enjoy are:
Reaching over your dog’s head to pet them
Hugging your dog
Putting your face near their face
Kissing your dog
Intense eye contact
In addition, pay attention to which kinds of touch your dog is leaning into and opt for those instead. You can also look for wiggly and loose muscles, relaxed ears, and an open, happy mouth.
Go for Consent Checks
Consent checks are very powerful for dogs that you don’t know or dogs that are shy around touch. You can see me do a consent check with my dog Ozy, who is on the shy side and easily distracted, in the video above. Ozy did not enjoy being touched by me much at all until I became smarter about how I touched him. You can see that I frequently stop to give him the choice to continue being touched or walk away, which he eventually does.
Here is another video where I show a consent check with my shy boy. As you can see, sometimes I’m still not super smart. Did you see how he said he was done after I kissed him on the head? The primate urge to hug and love is strong!
Here’s how to do a consent check:
Invite your dog to be touched by you by opening your hands
If your dog moves towards your hand, pet your dog for 5-7 seconds in a way you think they will enjoy. Then, take a break and offer the invitation again.
If your dog doesn’t move towards you or moves away, look at them lovingly but don’t touch. Tell them they’re a good dog and try again later.
Touching your dog mindfully and with consent in mind can really improve your dog’s relationship with you and help them see touch from you as a positive by building trust through consent. In turn, it can be amazing to know that your touch and attention is welcome and feels good to your dog.
